Saturday, June 11, 2011

A New Challange

Well, a couple challenges actually.

First of all I joined a challange on MFP yesterday. It is a 12 week challange and I HOPE to lose 20 pounds by the end of it. There are mini goals throughout. My tracker is below. I think 7 pounds a month is attainable, even realistic. The problem is with motivation and keeping myself moving forward. I am easily sidetracked by sugary goodness in any form.

Current Weight (As of today): 229
Challenge Goal Weight (for Sept. 1st): 209
Weight Category: REDUCE
6/9: **start of challenge** 229
7/7: <<>>
8/4: <<>>
9/1: <<>>

Second challange is to myself. I have got to, I repeat I HAVE GOT TO, give up coffee creamer and pop. They are nothing but wasted calories and added inches. I just wish they weren't so delicious. Hmmmph!

Third, new head space. I need to do some soul searching and ask myself the tough questions. I feel like a broken record.

Q: Why do you keep doing this to yourself?
A: I have no idea. I hate how I look and feel 99% of the time. My face is HUGE. My clothes make me feel like sausage in a tight casing. Not good. I skipped church today because none of my clothes fit and I'm embarrased of how I look. I was doing so well and I just gave up. I feel ashamed.

Q: What am I scared of?
A: Nothing. Everything. I'm not afraid to be alone, but I fear being lonely. I fear intimacy. I fear getting hurt. I fear losing the weight, gaining someone's attention, and then losing it and getting my heart crushed.

Q: Do I want to die early from obesity? Or one of the many side effects of obesity, such as heart disease, diabetes, cancer...???
A: No, No, No, & No. While there is no direct family history of diabetes in my family, I do not want to be the first! There is heart disease and cancer.

Q: Will I ever figure out all of the answers to the questions?
A: Probably not!

So what to do next. I pick myself up ONCE again and start moving forward. One foot in front of the other. The only reason to look back is to try and figure out more answers to the questions above and WHY it is that I keep going back (besides comfort and laziness) and maybe finally break this vicious circle.
Comfort zones are plush lined coffins. When you stay in your plush lined coffins, you die. Stan Dale
I feel uncomfortable because I'm insecure about who I am. Trent Reznor
I had always wanted to write a song called, The Vicious Circle. I always thought it was like, the kids are born there, they grow up there, they die there. Mac Davis
*Quotes are from Brainy Quote.