I wrote and published this blog post on my Word Press blog. This is a good reminder to myself that I have to let go of my fears.
What am I afraid of?
“The key to change… is to let go of fear.” ~Roseanne Cash
Fear is a great motivator, but it can also keep you from achieving your dreams. My aunt said something to me last week that well frankly, it pissed me off. She said that “When you were a child, you were afraid of your own shadow. The slightest little thing intimidated you”. Pissed as I was, I sat and stewed on it for a while. I determined that she was partly right. Only partly. My shadow only intimidates me when it’s skinnier than I am and is having a better hair day than me.
I was a shy child and would hide behind my mothers skirt at church. Thankfully I outgrew that. I had friends. My cousin Wynn and my friend Sheila were two of my first friends. Even though I have a huge family, I didn’t have a wide social circle. I went to a small private Christian school, where Tina and later Jackie became two of my besties. Yes there were kids that intimidated me, but they were mean. My limited social circle didn’t really improve until I got out into the real world and started working.
As an adult, I joined a church in Michigan and it took several years for me to let people in. I was afraid that they would see I wasn’t a very good Christian. They were all so smart and well versed in the Bible and I was intimidated. Once I allowed myself to open up to them, I was blessed. They took me in, loved me, and made me feel secure enough to be myself… and you know what, they loved me and my sarcastic self anyway!
“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” ~Bill Cosby
Am I ready to take on the challenges that I will face to accomplish my goals? One of my goals is to lose 100 lbs. Another is to take a sewing class and a class at my gym. I stepped on the scale this morning, had my mother take my measurements, and have tracked my food intake. Good first steps towards losing the 100 pounds I need to lose. Now that I’ve taken the first steps, I need to take the second, then the third and so on and so forth. The more steps taken (even if they are baby steps), the shorter the distance to my goal. Will I let fear/anxiety get in my way again? Probably. But this time I determined not to let it keep me down. It needs to be my motivator, I will not let it hold me captive.
“To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ~Bertrand Russell